census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
