It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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