I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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