There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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