apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
