What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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