This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
