Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
