when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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