It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
