My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
