I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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