it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
