hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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