how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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