VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
