Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
