Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
