I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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