Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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