is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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