So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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