I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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