My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
