Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
