Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
