sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
