Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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