she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
