quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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