Your mouth is God's brothel.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He felt like a one man threesome
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
