Got a toothbrush?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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