dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
