my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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