I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
