it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
