Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
