Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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