So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
