Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
