I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
