So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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