Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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