Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dicks are not precious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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