Me too!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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