Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
