hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
