went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
