so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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