remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
