Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
