i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
