i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
