You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
