He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
