we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
