when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
