Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
