I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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