WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
