I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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