did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him