Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.