Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.