I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
