Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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