I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
