If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Text me some of your sweat
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
