i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
