no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
