Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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