What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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