i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
