No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
