me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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