I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
